Here My Dear

I suppose I’m naive. I suppose I’m an idiot, and I don’t know a thing about love. I mean I guess I can write well about love and break it down scientifically so that I can make sense of it, but when push comes to shove, my experiences (or lack thereof) with love give me no right to tell people about it. I suppose I shouldn’t be sharing this, suppose it’ll make me vulnerable, suppose nobody is reading my blog for this, and that this is too much information for people I barely know, but this is therapeutic for me. I need to express my feelings and I need to look for understanding through writing and music. Music is what I’ve always turned to in times of need, and that’s been the most dependable friend in my life. That’s all I got right now, because I just (temporarily I hope) lost someone real close to me. She had been asking me to do an entry dedicated solely to her, well…Here, my dear. I could never really understand why men carried so much animosity towards women. I was mostly raised by my mother. It’s not like my father wasn’t there, he did play an important role in my life, but I mostly took after my mother. I learned to treat women with the utmost respect and care that they deserved. So from a young age, I never could understand why men would cheat on their girlfriends or ‘dog’ women out. To put it bluntly, I never been the hit it and quit it type of guy. That’s just not me.In my early teenage years I didn’t really know what was expected of me. I had strong feelings of attraction towards girls my age, but what was I supposed to do, marry them? Still, I approached them, assuming I would figure it out as I went along. I had some ups, had some downs. Probably had more rejections than successes, but that didn’t really faze me. I tried not to let anything faze me.

In high school I couldn’t really get into relationships. There were a lot of outside factors that restricted me from being able to commit to one woman. Still, I had my experiences. I got backstabbed and betrayed a couple of times, learned from those experiences, and kept it moving. I refused to let people break me down, refused to let anything faze me. I don’t suppress these feelings though. I acknowledge them as a specific experience I had with one person. If I don’t let one person represent an entire race why would I let one woman represent half the world? I don’t let the negative impressions of one relationship roll over to the next one.

This past year I’ve been put to the test. I’ve misled, hurt, and rejected. Yet I’ve also been loved, cared about, and maybe happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I opened up to let my feelings be known because I thought they were mutual and put my heart out on the table only to get it sent right back. I now can understand why men become cold hearted. I been told before that, “You never know what it means to be a man until you’ve had your heart broken.” Well, now I’m presented with a choice. I could accept manhood in the traditional sense and become cold hearted too. I could lose all my respect for women, never trust anybody again, never express my feelings again, and completely shut myself down. I could do all that, but I won’t. I’ma get over it, become stronger, and keep it moving.

It’s a good thing I don’t let shit faze me…
Here My Dear Mix

14 Songs, 1 hour 3 minutes, DOWNLOAD/STREAMING LINKS BELOW

It’s still always important to acknowledge your feelings and let them sink in. Just don’t dwell on them. Well…in my time of need and understanding I turn towards music. It’s easy to talk to friends and have them nod at your ramblings, but I get more out of listening to musicians artistically express the same feelings I have. The person this mix is dedicated to surely knows it. I just want her to know that I didn’t make this to hurt you at all. These songs represent all the feelings I’ve gone through in the past couple of days. I fought through anger, bitterness, and many other emotions that I’ve never experienced so strongly. They all come from love though, and that’s the emotion that conquers all in the end. I still do love you, and always will. This ones for you. Here, my dear:

1. Here, My Dear by Marvin Gaye

2. Giving Up by Donny Hathaway

3. Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers

4. Walkin’ Away by Brother Ali

5. Fuck You Lucy by Atmosphere

6. When Will You Call by Bilal

7. Green Eyes by Erykah Badu

8. Hope She’ll Be Happier by Bill Withers

9. Where I Wanna Be by Donnell Jones

10. Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill

11. Want U To Want Me by Tanya Morgan

12. Walk On By by Isaac Hayes

13. I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know by Donny Hathaway

14. Grits by The RZA



CLICK FOR .ZIP FILE (full songs, separate tracks, unmixed) *actually none this week, but holla if you really want it*

click for guide to downloading

I’d rather not even have any comments on this mix. If you like it, great. If not…stay tuned for next week.


1 Response to “Here My Dear”

  1. 1 baydestrian
    April 29, 2008 at 12:47 am


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